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  #1071  
Old 04-02-2012, 09:40 AM
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fou_bleu fou_bleu is offline
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Well, no longer am I in the closet!

Long story short, I had waaaaaaaay too much to drink at a nightclub with my cousin and his fiancÚ (a guy) and as such was as camp as a tent, so I started dancing with this cute friend of my cousin who was flirting with me all night (ok, ok, it was mutual! ). Inevitably we kiss. And I mean tongue wrestle! [no shame, no shame!]

Well it was that point that I decide to.... COME OUT ON FACEBOOK!!! Whilst in this binge-drunk state! -_-

Plenty of support from a good bunch of friends, but a message from my mum's friend saying I should delete the status and tell mum and dad in person (which I not-so-begrudgingly ignored, damn Smirnoff knows what it's doing!).

Coming home yesterday I find mum and dad at the train station to pick me up and what do you know? I get the whole "you've ruined our dreams for you", "we wanted grandkids", "what will everyone around town say about us?". Oh yes, I'll be living a disgusting lifestyle too. So, there's their unconditional love on display. Also, no boyfriends are to come home. Can't wait to move out sometime in the next fortnight.

So there's that rant off my chest and enjoy the laugh about my riveting circumstances! <3
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  #1072  
Old 04-02-2012, 01:47 PM
TdeV TdeV is offline
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Originally Posted by 4RD4TW View Post
Well, no longer am I in the closet!

Long story short, I had waaaaaaaay too much to drink at a nightclub with my cousin and his fiancÚ (a guy) and as such was as camp as a tent, so I started dancing with this cute friend of my cousin who was flirting with me all night (ok, ok, it was mutual! ). Inevitably we kiss. And I mean tongue wrestle! [no shame, no shame!]

Well it was that point that I decide to.... COME OUT ON FACEBOOK!!! Whilst in this binge-drunk state! -_-

Plenty of support from a good bunch of friends, but a message from my mum's friend saying I should delete the status and tell mum and dad in person (which I not-so-begrudgingly ignored, damn Smirnoff knows what it's doing!).

Coming home yesterday I find mum and dad at the train station to pick me up and what do you know? I get the whole "you've ruined our dreams for you", "we wanted grandkids", "what will everyone around town say about us?". Oh yes, I'll be living a disgusting lifestyle too. So, there's their unconditional love on display. Also, no boyfriends are to come home. Can't wait to move out sometime in the next fortnight.

So there's that rant off my chest and enjoy the laugh about my riveting circumstances! <3
I'm very proud of you for coming out! It's a real hard thing to do.

I find friends are the best for accepting these sort of revelations. All of mine were supportive and not homophobic at all.

Your parents will understand some day that just because your heart chooses a man to love over a women, does not change the direction of your life. You can still marry (in some countries/states), have children, etc...

My parents asked me to hide it when I told them. For some reason they thought that coming out meant that I was going to go around town with bells on exclaiming my sexual orientation.
My mom also asked me questions like "How do you know your gay if you've never slept with a girl." I asked my mom how she knew she was straight if she never slept with a girl. She wasn't prepared for that haha.

The point is parents will say ridiculous typical things, sometimes in hope to "change your mind". But eventually they realize it's not your mind that controls who your are, it's your heart and soul. Mine are understanding and ok with everything now. If I had a boyfriend, I could bring him home.

I hope the same things for you in the close future and don't let your parents discourage you (from the looks of it you aren't which is great!).
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Last edited by TdeV; 04-02-2012 at 01:49 PM.
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  #1073  
Old 04-02-2012, 08:51 PM
crzyazn crzyazn is offline
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Originally Posted by TdeV View Post
I'm very proud of you for coming out! It's a real hard thing to do.

I find friends are the best for accepting these sort of revelations. All of mine were supportive and not homophobic at all.

Your parents will understand some day that just because your heart chooses a man to love over a women, does not change the direction of your life. You can still marry (in some countries/states), have children, etc...

My parents asked me to hide it when I told them. For some reason they thought that coming out meant that I was going to go around town with bells on exclaiming my sexual orientation.
My mom also asked me questions like "How do you know your gay if you've never slept with a girl." I asked my mom how she knew she was straight if she never slept with a girl. She wasn't prepared for that haha.

The point is parents will say ridiculous typical things, sometimes in hope to "change your mind". But eventually they realize it's not your mind that controls who your are, it's your heart and soul. Mine are understanding and ok with everything now. If I had a boyfriend, I could bring him home.

I hope the same things for you in the close future and don't let your parents discourage you (from the looks of it you aren't which is great!).
those are some wise words!! i'm still struggling with telling my family, but i have came out to some of my friends. they said they would be there when i tell my family so that i don't feel unappreciated and an outcast. they would support me no matter what happens and are really happy for me too. i find it really easy to come out friends because if they don't accept you for who you are, you can find other people who will be there for you. family, on the other hand, is more difficult because they are your family. blood is thicker than water. you can't forget about them.
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  #1074  
Old 04-02-2012, 10:58 PM
mario_128 mario_128 is offline
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No point for me, As sad as it sounds I only like one guy and have for 3 years and Ill never get him so not much point coming out to anyone really.
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  #1075  
Old 04-03-2012, 04:43 AM
TdeV TdeV is offline
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those are some wise words!! i'm still struggling with telling my family, but i have came out to some of my friends. they said they would be there when i tell my family so that i don't feel unappreciated and an outcast. they would support me no matter what happens and are really happy for me too. i find it really easy to come out friends because if they don't accept you for who you are, you can find other people who will be there for you. family, on the other hand, is more difficult because they are your family. blood is thicker than water. you can't forget about them.
Thanks!

Yes, friends come and go so it's easy to start with them. But when it comes to family you only get what you've got.

My parents are generally accepting people. They have gay friends and I never here them say anything negative about them in regards to their sexual orientation. We also aren't a religious family, which makes things easier as well.

However my mother is still a pretty traditional person because of the way she was raised. I figured she'd just need time to get use to it, which she does. But she always notes she doesn't love me any less.

My only advice is really to judge for yourself where your parents minds are in that particular aspect of life and play off that.

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Originally Posted by mario_128 View Post
No point for me, As sad as it sounds I only like one guy and have for 3 years and Ill never get him so not much point coming out to anyone really.
That's how I felt before I came out. I came out in hope that I could go to LGBTQ events within the city without question from friends or family, in attempt to find a guy. I've been to a few and it's just not really my scene. Most of the guys there are a bit too flamboyant for me and I guess I'm not the most flamboyant person haha.

I don't regret coming out when I did though. It's kind of easy on my parents that I didn't come out and have a boyfriend. The only downfall is because I don't have boyfriend, they don't believe me. Go figure lol.
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  #1076  
Old 04-03-2012, 06:16 AM
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fou_bleu fou_bleu is offline
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Thanks for the wise words TdeV and the support from everyone else too! :)

I had been anticipating my parents initial dissaproval for a while tbh, maybe that's why I am coping better than I thought I would in this scenario? Regardless, I'm still shocked at how all their worries and anger is all narcissistic and about them (marriage, grandkids, word on the street etc.), but hey, everyone has their faults - although I feel that I can't just shrug it off - they can tell me they love me as much as they want but I can't like them (I still love them) until they accept me and start to be a bit more mature about the whole thing.

My parents aren't religious at all either, and have always appeared the accepting kind of people to me over the last 18 years of my life, but it just goes to show how people can change! :/

Oh well, my moving arrangements are sorted, funds shall be sorted soon and I'll be able to let everything cool off for a while...
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  #1077  
Old 04-03-2012, 10:18 PM
crzyazn crzyazn is offline
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see the problem with my parents is that they are very traditional asian parents and are religious. I tried coming out to them once and they have made it clear that it is wrong and against everything i was taught to believe. don't get me wrong, i still have my beliefs, but the way they came at me was just discouraging. that's why i find support from my friends and see who is really there for me no matter what. i'm glad that i have this option because it truly helps me become the person that i want to be.
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  #1078  
Old 04-04-2012, 07:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4RD4TW View Post
Well, no longer am I in the closet!

Long story short, I had waaaaaaaay too much to drink at a nightclub with my cousin and his fiancÚ (a guy) and as such was as camp as a tent, so I started dancing with this cute friend of my cousin who was flirting with me all night (ok, ok, it was mutual! ). Inevitably we kiss. And I mean tongue wrestle! [no shame, no shame!]

Well it was that point that I decide to.... COME OUT ON FACEBOOK!!! Whilst in this binge-drunk state! -_-

Plenty of support from a good bunch of friends, but a message from my mum's friend saying I should delete the status and tell mum and dad in person (which I not-so-begrudgingly ignored, damn Smirnoff knows what it's doing!).

Coming home yesterday I find mum and dad at the train station to pick me up and what do you know? I get the whole "you've ruined our dreams for you", "we wanted grandkids", "what will everyone around town say about us?". Oh yes, I'll be living a disgusting lifestyle too. So, there's their unconditional love on display. Also, no boyfriends are to come home. Can't wait to move out sometime in the next fortnight.

So there's that rant off my chest and enjoy the laugh about my riveting circumstances! <3
Congrats! I know its not easy. When I told my parents about a month ago I still remember telling my mom I love her and her simply responding "We'll talk..". On the other hand, my father has been great from the start.

Just as you, I've sort of "prepared" myself for disapproval. I don't even live in the same state as my parents and I've worked really hard to be able to take care of myself. That being said, my mom has seem to come around and tells me she loves me pretty much every time we talk. Keep hope, they will come around. If not, you'll be fine anyways!
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  #1079  
Old 04-04-2012, 07:11 AM
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see the problem with my parents is that they are very traditional asian parents and are religious. I tried coming out to them once and they have made it clear that it is wrong and against everything i was taught to believe. don't get me wrong, i still have my beliefs, but the way they came at me was just discouraging. that's why i find support from my friends and see who is really there for me no matter what. i'm glad that i have this option because it truly helps me become the person that i want to be.
All in time...

Just don't let anyone tell you feelings that come natural to you are wrong. I hate to sound like an ass, but you have to live for yourself. We often lose ourselves while trying to be what others want and expect.

Hopefully they will just want you to be happy at the end.
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  #1080  
Old 04-04-2012, 07:36 AM
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fou_bleu fou_bleu is offline
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Thanks DATSUN, I hope they do too!
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